The Diagnosis

In December 2016, we finally got some solid answers to why Tanner has so many struggles. He was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD or SID). This post focuses on the anxiety portion of the diagnosis. I will write about SPD later. 

Overall, hearing that Tanner has GAD was extremely relieving. In fact, in a very real way, it was vindicating. 


For years, some teachers, neighbors, friends and family tried to tell me that Tanner’s struggles were nothing to be concerned about. “You’re over-thinking this.” “All kids worry, that’s normal.”  “He never acts that way around us.” “He’s just really smart for his age.”

Some days and weeks Tanner seemed like any other 3, 4 and 5 year old. Other weeks he acted just like my students on the autism spectrum. Other days, it seemed like his struggles were related to hypoglycemia. And yet other times, depression and anxiety seemed to be his plague. I was really confused. 

How can a mother help her child if she doesn’t know the source or cause of his struggles?

Some people suggested that Jeremy and I had lost control of parenting him, that Tanner was a master at manipulating us. 

One doctor was extremely narrow-minded in helping us. She reduced our two-hour evaluation down to 20 minutes, cut me off several times, and concluded that I should stop trying to find something wrong with my child. She recommended I take a class on how to interact with my kid. 

Well, I WAS taking classes on how to interact with him, thank you very much! 

My blood boiled during the long drive home from that appointment, even though the air was -10 degrees. I cried. If Tanner wasn’t in the car with me, I would have screamed until my throat was dry, in utter frustration, anger and despair. All my efforts to help my son seemed in vain. 

Where was the help I was praying for?

I doubted my instincts. I doubted that I could ever get clear answers. 

There seemed to be lots of red tape with the medical resources in our area. Months of waiting just to make an appointment, not to mention the time to wait for the appointment once it was made. Having limited specialists who can work with kids younger than 5 years old made things take even longer. And don’t even get me started on the medical bills!

I hoped things would get better as Tanner got a little older, but in many ways, things got worse. This little boy at 3 years old who walked aimlessly around the home saying, “I don’t know how to be happy, I don’t know how to calm down!” turned into a 4 year old that would scream in the car on the way to school, “I wish I had a gun so I could shoot you in the head and burn my school down so I don’t have to go to preschool anymore!” 

My little boy who talked for months about his 5th birthday party–planning every game, treat and decoration–decided to call the whole thing off because he was too afraid his friends would not like it. Most concerning to Jeremy and I was seeing Tanner’s aggression toward Dallin getting more intense and more frequent.

People could tell me that Tanner was normal all they wanted. But I knew my son was struggling with something big, and it was anything BUT normal.

Finally, I was told by a psychologist, a behavioral therapist and an occupational therapist that my child’s struggles are not normal. He is not normal. For some parents this news could be completely devastating. But for me, all I could feel was…

Relief!!

Relief to be told I was not making stuff up.
Relief to know I did the right thing to get him evaluated.
Relief to hear it’s beyond Tanner’s power and control, he’s not some mean-spirited kid manipulating our parenting skills.
Relief knowing that we can fight the anxiety with proper therapy.
Relief that I have not failed as a parent.
Relief to hear that I am understood by those around me. 
Relief to know that we finally have access to the help that we have so badly needed.

After getting the diagnosis, I walked out of the doctor’s office wanting to shout to everyone, “I knew it! I KNEW it!! Tanner IS struggling with something beyond our control. It’s anxiety. I was right! I was right!!!”

We got in the car, and I continued gloating about my amazing Mommy Instincts.

I pulled out of the parking lot thinking back to the time I had first considered GAD as a possible answer to Tanner’s behaviors. It was about two years ago on an evening when I had been praying for guidance. Suddenly, I realized that I could not give myself all this credit. 

When Tanner was 3, shortly after our Grandma Ginny passed away, we began noticing his struggles. One night I was so confused by his behavior, so I prayed very sincerely for help to know what Tanner was dealing with. During my prayer, I was impressed to type “anxiety in children” into my Google browser. I followed the prompting immediately. To my surprise, all kinds of articles popped up, and I read for hours about pediatric General Anxiety Disorder. Lots of the information was brand new to me. Many of the symptoms sounded just like Tanner. I did more research and brought this subject up with every doctor and specialist during our quest for diagnosis. A couple of friends and teachers also helped support me in this avenue by sharing experiences of their own kids that struggled with anxiety, and they recommended certain doctors for us to see.

What relief! 

Relief to see that God DID hear my prayer and had truly spoken to me that night.
Relief to feel that He is aware and has not forsaken me.
Relief to remember that He is the source of all truth and light.
Relief that I had listened to the promptings and didn’t give up.

This relief from my Heavenly Father brought me new HOPE in going forward.
And so, a new chapter of the journey with my Little One begins.