February was a month of some fun times mixed in with some really rough falls.
It was nice to be able to see people again after our quarantine due to Jeremy having COVID. We met up with Tiffany Hanson and her two kids. They live about 2 hours away from us, which is really cool since we used to live in the same town in Minnesota. They came over for some hiking in our canyon trails and for swimming in our pool! The kids had a great time.
I knew Jeremy was feeling better when he said he would take the boys to a dirt biking course. They had a lot of fun. Dallin fell on his first try, but there weren’t any major injuries…this time.
The kids were really excited when there was a church activity online!! Several months had gone by with us not being allowed to host anything in person, so we were missing our church community a lot.
Note- I was the stake primary president at the time and worked really hard to help the leaders of each congregation stay connected with the primary children and worked hard to help them reopen primary activities and Sunday classes.
I was so grateful to our primary activity leader for setting this up for the kids. They did cookie decorating on zoom together. Sis Rodriguez arranged all the supplies and had parents come pick it up ahead of time to help guarantee that all the kids would have cookies to decorate. We had Owen over to join us. It was really great to see all the kids on the call and how they were excited to be there. Sis Rodriguez even included a spiritual thought connected to the cookies about kindness and inclusion.
Uncle Matt came down to do a field trip with the boys at the Cactus garden in Balboa Park. Then, he helped them make a presentation on PowerPoint about the cactuses. They presented their work a couple weeks later to us.
On Feb 11, I took the boys to a park that we had recently found in a canyon near our house. It was so fun there and really exciting that they did not close off this park! The boys climbed all around and were having a great time. I started visiting with some of the moms there.
After a little while, Dallin came walking up to me quickly, whimpering about his elbow hurting. He wasn’t really crying, just whimpering. Tanner was concerned for him and said he watched him fall off the monkey bars really hard.
I stopped talking to the other mom and guided Dallin over to sit down with me under the tree. I was taking the approach that a few minutes of being with mom was all Dallin needed and in a few minutes he’d be off playing again. However, when I touched his elbow to gently to guide him into my lap, I felt something sharp poking under his skin and immediately knew that he had broken a bone. I sent a glare of surprise to the other mom and mouthed the words “It’s broken!” to her. But I kept calm and said, “Yes, I can tell this really hurt you. Ouchie, Dallin. Ya know, Instead of sitting down, we’re actually gonna go straight to the doctor.” Dallin agreed. “Okay.”
Tanner was surprised. “Wait, what?! Why?”
“Well,” I tried to use the calmest voice I could. “I can tell that his arm might be broken. So let’s calmly and quickly get in the car.” I used the word “might” because I didn’t want to alarm either kid. But I knew it was broken. What I felt was undeniably a very badly broken bone sticking out where it should not be.
My adrenaline kicked in and I started making plans. I would call Jeremy, drop Tanner off, grab some items for staying at the ER for a long time and then rush Dallin to the ER. I was also praying fiercely in my head and asked Tanner to say a prayer out loud.
By the time we got Dallin buckeled in the car, he had a large goose egg on his elbow. I was not surprised by this at all. Dallin started getting pale and tilting his head like he was sleepy. I knew he was going into shock. I told Tanner to get Dallin something to drink and eat.
We were only 3 or 4 minutes away from our house. As soon as I pulled up, Tanner jumped out of the car. Jeremy had IB profin ready to put in Dallin’s mouth and an ice pack for his arm. He gave me my cell phone charger, some extra snacks, blankets and survival items for the ER and I was off!
During the drive, Dallin was dozing a lot and I had to keep him talking to me to make sure he didn’t pass out or go in complete shock.
Jeremy called the ER so that they would be expecting us. This saved us another 5-10 minutes.
We got Dallin into an ER pretty quickly because Jeremy called them ahead of time and gave them all our info. In the emergency room, We gave Dallin a new ice pack and some more pain killer (it took a little too long for the nurse to get us the pain killer). I kept having Dallin replay to me what happened and what we were doing, since we’ve read that this helps children process trauma.
The story was that Tanner and Dallin were playing tricks on the monkey bars, challenging each other to try different moves. Tanner dared Dallin to try a trick where you let go both hands at the same time and swing to the next bar. Dallin bravely tried it, by swinging his body with all his might, letting go both hands on his way to the next bar, and not being able to grab onto the next bar. He fell straight down and landed on his side and elbow, on the rubbery ground. He felt a crash and crack. He knew it was bad so he came straight to me to tell me he fell.
We named our emotions as we replayed what happened on the playground, and we named our emotions in the waiting room. Dallin remained unusually calm during the whole thing. He even made jokes about a ton of things. Humor is no doubt his natural way of dealing with tough feelings and situations.
While we waited to take x-rays, his arm got more swollen. During the xrays, I helped hold his arm in super uncomfortable positions in order for them to get proper images. At one point, Dallin got very dizzy and I could tell he was about to pass out. So I made the technician stop so we could breath and have some water. Only I could tell that Dallin was in a great deal of pain. He wasn’t crying, whimpering or whining. He only whispered ouch a few times during the x-rays. He managed to crack a few jokes. I was both amazed and quite worried about that.
During all this time, Tanner was a complete mess. He felt responsible for Dallin’s injury since he had dared Dallin to try the trick on the monkey bars. He said he was a bad kid and a horrible brother (which of course is not true), was crying and crying, trying to hurt himself and having a really hard time. He felt powerless to help Dallin. Jeremy talked and listened and soothed him over and over again while they waited at home for us to get xrays at the ER.
It was hard to show on the camera how cray swollen his elbow was. You can see it getting more swollen.
We had to wait for a long time after the xrays. I was getting so impatient. The doctor said she was waiting to hear back from the children’s hospital. I was not happy with that response. I pried and finally got the doctor to tell me what was up. She took me to another room to tell me that Dallin’s break was really bad and needed surgery. Immediately.
An entire piece of Dallin’s elbow came completely off and was just dangling inside his flesh. The only way to place it correctly so it will heal and allow his arm to move properly was to perform surgery and put pins in his arm. She was not going to put a cast on him and she wasn’t going to discharge us until she knew the hospital had registered Dallin into their system to get him in that night.
I was so surprised. I called Jeremy immediately. He was equally shocked. We thought this would be a quick casting, all done in time for dinner, but this going to be a full blown surgery. Dallin would need to go completely under and get pins in his arm and be in the hospital for at least one night, possibly two. And since it was Covid, he could only have one parent there at a time and the entire process of the surgery would take much longer than normal.
Dallin was nervous when the doctor and I told him he would need to have surgery. He kind of whimpered and just wanted to be near me.
They put a temporary cast on him to keep the swelling under control (even though it was extremely swollen by now). We were finally discharged (4 hours total there) and told to go directly to the hospital. But first we came home to regroup. We had Dallin change clothes. We packed blankets and laptops and chargers, games and books for the hospital.
The nurses told us to not feed Dallin because he needed to have no food for 8 hours before surgery. My gut instinct did not feel good about keeping Dallin hungry. I know this was God speaking to me through the Holy Ghost. While we were at home, we gave him a meal to eat. I am so glad that we did this because Dallin didn’t go into surgery until 1:00 pm the following day, which was 19 hours later.
We also took time for Jeremy to give Dallin a priesthood blessing. He blessed Dallin with peace and to know that he would be safe, that God was watching over him, and that the doctors would take very good care of him. I was so happy we could have Jeremy give Dallin a blessing. Dallin usually does not want to have a blessing when offered, but this time he was willing, and it helped him be calm. It left a lasting impression on him. He wrote about it in his journal and for a primary talk.
All four of us drove to the Rady’s Children’s hospital to drop off Dallin and Jeremy in the ER there. On the way there, we prayed and sang “I am a Child of God” to help us stay calm.
When it was time for Dallin to get out the car, we took some pictures of how we felt. And then for the first time during this whole day- Dallin shed some real tears. Big crocodile tears. Dallin whispered in my ear “I’m scared, Mom. I wish you could stay with me.” Oh my heart. I reminded him how it was Daddy’s turn to be with him, and that I would be there tomorrow with him. We gave each other a big hug.
For reasons I can’t remember, Jeremy and Dallin waited in the ER for more than 3 hours to get into their pre-surgery room, even though the hospital was already expecting us. Short staffing due to COVID and other dumb COVID rules had to do with the delays. Here is Dallin getting cared for by one of the nurses in the hospital ER.
All set to get to his room. It took forever..
Finally in the room to get prepped for surgery!! Dallin really liked the TV there. The doctors and nurses were really helpful here. Dallin relaxed and slept on the hospital bed. Jeremy slept on the couch next to Dallin.
That evening and the next morning, Tanner spent most of the time thinking about Dallin. He made this nice card about him. We also went to the store to get some gifts for Dallin to help cheer him up. Tanner really enjoyed choosing gifts for his brother. I took them all to Dallin when Jeremy and I switched places later that morning.
Dallin really liked the big stuffed dog and named the dog Pluto. We waited and waited for the surgery to take place. It was delayed and delayed. They would not let Dallin eat anything, and he was getting really hungry. We read stories, sang songs on the ukulele and watched TV to pass the time. I also helped Dallin understand what was happening and we retold the story of everything that had happened in the last day to help him process it all.
Finally the time came for Dallin to go into surgery. We got to the pre-operating room and then we waited some more. I was getting more and more worried that something bad would happen to Dallin during the surgery. We sang songs and prayed. I called Jeremy to make sure I was signing the paper correctly. When the doctors wheeled him off, I felt so helpless. I was scared for Dallin to be without us while they gave him the anesthesia. They let him take his stuffies into the surgery. The surgery took 1-2 hours.
The doctor said Dallin did great and everything in the surgery went really well. They ended up putting THREE pins in his little elbow and then casted him up. They told me I could go into the post-op room to see him. It was really weird because he looked so helpless and still. He was so beautiful and so precious. I was really happy to see him and hear that he was doing really well.
It took our little Dal Pal quite awhile to fully wake up. He wasn’t zany or goofy. He didn’t have funny speech. Instead, he was extremely dazed and tired. The drugs totally put him out, and overall the he had been through a lot in the past 35 hours. It was great to see him finally getting some rest.
I waited by his bedside while he slowly woke up. I shed a lot of tears watching him. Just the day before, this poor little boy was just trying to have fun on the monkey bars. And now he was all hooked up to monitors and casted up with three pins in his arm. Seemed so unfair. He looked so sweet and beautiful laying there and I was overwhelmed with love for him.
By the time we got back into his room, it was dinner time, and Dallin was famished. I ordered him all the food he wanted from the hospital kitchen. He was so excited.
Dallin didn’t complain about any pain. After eating, he made casual jokes and was himself again. Every time we asked about his pain level he would say 3 or 4, even after his drugs had worn off. I noticed that every 3-4 hours he would get irritable or grunt to me instead of speak. And that’s pretty much the only way that I knew he was in pain and needed more pain killers. (This pattern continued the next couple days. By day four of being home, he told us to stop giving him pain killer cuz he didn’t need it anymore. I was really surprised by all of that.)
If the surgery had happened sooner in the day, we would have been able to go home that evening. But they needed time to monitor him before letting us leave. So that meant another night at the hospital. I helped him change into warmer clothes for bed. The cast looked so huge on his arm. It was a bit overwhelming for us trying to get clothes on with that huge cast in the way. How are we going to do this for 6 weeks?
Jeremy came around 8:00 pm to switch with me for the night. When I got home, Tanner wanted to sleep with me in my bed. I felt many of the same emotions watching him fall asleep as what I felt watching Dallin come out of the surgery. This poor little boy just wanted to have fun with his brother on the playground, and then witnessed him breaking his elbow and going to the hospital, but couldn’t even be in the hospital with his brother. This was a different kind of hard for him compared to Dallin, but still really hard. Tanner looked so sweet and beautiful laying in my bed. I was overwhelmed with love for him.
Jeremy said the night was uneventful. Dallin had a big breakfast and then was discharged shortly after. We were so glad when Dallin could finally come home!! He broke his arm on a Thursday and got home on a Saturday.
Tanner ran out to greet Dallin and help him into the car. They held hands on the drive home. Tanner was excited to show Dallin how we prepared his bed for him with flowers and decorations and all the essentials that he would need to be comfortable.
It felt so good to have Dallin home! We were so grateful that his surgery went so well and he was feeling good.
Dallin slept in this position for the next 2 weeks. When the swelling went down and he was able to move his arm in the cast better, he slept more freely.
We were lucky to have cousin Shauna bring us some wonderful shirts for Dallin to wear. They were button down and larger size to make it easier to put on over his cast. We also had the neighbor kids come over to sign Dallin’s cast. Little did we know that there would soon be another fallout in the family later in the month.
Tanner played rockets with the neighbors, but he hated not being able to play with Dallin at all times.
Jeremy arranged for him and Matt to go play golf with Grandpa Davidson in Hemet later that day. It was something they had planned before Dallin broke his arm, but we decided to keep those plans so that Tanner could stay occupied while Dallin rested. Tanner was the caddie for his Great-Grandpa. This little day trip really helped Tanner stay entertained and focused on good things while Dallin recovered.
For Valentine’s season this year, I played the role of Valentine fairy. Jeremy helped. Each night we left the boys personal notes on little hearts. Each heart said something that we love about them, or a thank you for something we noticed they did that day, or praised them for a special skill or attribute that they possess. We signed it from ourselves so the boys knew it was us. By the time we got to Feb 14, the boys had a poster filled with hearts! Some nights we also left money or candy or little toys with the notes. This is something I want to continue each year.
I think this is a picture of us on Valentines day eating a yummy Sunday dinner.
Speaking of fallouts, there was bad weather in Texas, which meant that one of Katie’s friends got stuck in San Diego on her way to visit Katie. The rare and terrible snow storm in Texas kept airports closed and was actually very scary for all the people there because heat and electricity went out and nobody in that region has the type of equipment needed for freezing weather.
Alayne ended up staying with us 2 or 3 nights and it turned out to be a real blessing for us right after Dallin broke his arm. She had some great wisdom to share with me about mothering children with similar needs that Tanner has. I was so appreciative to her validating the struggles that Jeremy and I face as parents. We enjoyed a yummy pie, and all 5 of us played games together while she was here. The boys really liked her and didn’t want her to leave.
On Feb 19, Taryn came to visit us for the day!!! I was so excited to see her! During our homeschool time, she was working as a writing tutor one-one-one with each boy, several days a week on zoom. She was such an amazing help to us. It was so fun to see her in person. For a minute, we all thought this would be the last time we see her for a couple years, but luckily her life plans changed and she stuck around long enough to do a summer camp with me! Here she is reading “Arrow to the Sun” with Dallin, when we got inspired to choose this story as our theme for the camp.
On Saturday morning, Feb 20, Jeremy decided to take the boys mountain biking a few hours before their vacation trip to see his sister’s family in Idaho. Spoiler Alert- this is another story with a bad fallout.
Before they left, I tried very hard to convince Jeremy not to go because I did not feel good about it one bit. The kids would be too tired, it’s too much to think about, what if you get delayed or something bad happens while you’re mountain biking, you might miss your flight. But ultimately, it wasn’t my decision to make because I was not going on the trip to Idaho with them. So Jeremy went mountain biking with Tanner and our neighbors, Owen and Ben.
Within the first 30 minutes riding his bike on the bike jumps, Jeremy crashed hard. He broke 2 ribs and a collar bone, had to get several stitches on his arm and acquired a hematoma on his hip that was the size of a large avocado.
Tanner came home early, and when I asked where Dad was, he said “at the ER.” I thought he was joking. Nope. Our neighbor Ben dropped him off on the way home. I was super pissed because no one texted or called me. And they needed to be at the airport in 2 hours. And I didn’t want them to go biking in the first place. I was also pretty irate because it was exactly 1 week after Dallin’s surgery, and I was still recovering from my disc herniation. The LAST thing we needed right now was for Jeremy- the most able bodied person in the family- to have broken bones!
Miraculously, Jeremy got home in time to get to the airport with Tanner and Dallin. He left looking like Dallin’s twin. Melissa said she would get her house ready to be the Hoof Care Center. Which was probably all for the best because she was in a much better position to take care of Jeremy.
It took about 4 weeks for his bruises to run their course. They went through some gnarly colors and draining down his arms and chest and hips. As I write this 10 months later, Jeremy still has traces of the hematoma on his hip.
Despite the fallouts, I kept teaching lessons in my studio.
And we managed to do some family crafts.
In this picture I’m helping Tanner get his hair blow dried. He was too tired to stand.
We also hosted a play date at the same park that Dallin got hurt. I wanted him to return to the place and be able to have some positive feelings about the park. We met up with the Stedman family and Carmen Rodriguez family to play kickball. It was really good for my kids to have this social interaction. As we played, we could tell the kids needed a lot of guidance about taking turns, working through winning and losing, talking kindly, etc. We all jumped in to the game to help model for the kids how to play. Very bittersweet day for me.
Tanner decided to ride his bike home from the park. And that’s when I realized that if we ever get back to in-person school at the neighborhood school, Tanner is ready to ride to and from the school on his own.
Last little memory from February is that we turned the closet into a mini lego room! It took a lot of work and was to play in there with the boys.